March and April are so very bittersweet. March we celebrate my hubby's birthday... April is the start of Spring. But... there's always a but.
Beginning of March our second child was due to be born... 2 years ago on April 29th my sweetest little best furry friend of 12 years passed... And just a day ago on April 30th a very close and dear friend passed.
The loss of the baby was grief of its very own... unfortunately there was another level of grief to deal with the date baby was due. And somehow... every year for the past now 2 years April 29th has been an extremely difficult day for me. My child and my fur baby both had very large pieces of my very small heart... grief.
Pregnancy hormones are hard enough to deal with on their own. The grieving process is hard enough on its own. Loss is hard enough on its own. All of those at the same time makes for a person who just constantly feels like they're grieving.
It's only for a season... each year the grief will become slightly less and I slightly stronger. But I will always miss the child I never was able to give birth to, the dog that I refused to call a dog, but rather my baby for the 12 years he was by my side every single day, and even the friends and family that we continue to lose.
As important as it is to grieve, I'm just a little tired of grieving. I am blessed to know that I will meet my child one day, I will see all of my grandparents, friends, and other family members.. and who knows... maybe little Budster was a lucky one that got to go to heaven.
Joy comes in the morning!
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