Pregnancy Blues

I am the first person to admit how crazy excited we were finding out about our third pregnancy. I tried to contain my excitement, but after trying for almost a year with one failed pregnancy in the midst this felt like a miracle! I love this sweet little girl in my belly more than life itself, but this pregnancy has been anything but easy. Sickness, lightheaded, spotting, cramping, dizziness, fatigue, and having days where I simply could not function. Now I'm 24 weeks and up 30lbs. I really thought this pregnancy was going to be different... a work out nut, running almost daily, tracking my calories, and losing weight by the week

Then I got pregnant.

Burgers, fries, and pure greasiness was what kept me from vomiting basically the entire first trimester. I, like many people can not eat that way without packing on the lbs almost immediately. I have managed to level out for the last 2-3 months and have hardly gained anything, but the first 3 months more than made up for it.

And then there's sex. If you know me you know I do not speak openly about this subject. I am quite private when it comes to this matter, but this pregnancy has more than put a huge halt on our sex life. I feel like I have lost all desire to be intimate; I feel anything but sexy, and these added lbs makes me feel just plain ugly. I am so fortunate to have a husband that loves me despite my flaws and finds me beautiful no matter what, but it's so hard to be intimate when you don't even feel beautiful.

Thankfully pregnancy is not forever, and the real reward is when that sweet baby is born and we have the pleasure of laying our eyes on her beautiful face. My son has brought more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined and I can't wait for that much more love and joy to enter this world. In the mean time I will just enjoy her sweet kicks and keep in mind this is only a season. I suppose if anything this pregnancy excites me even more to be the best Alysha I have ever been... mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Oh good... grief

March and April are so very bittersweet. March we celebrate my hubby's birthday... April is the start of Spring. But... there's always a but.

Beginning of March our second child was due to be born... 2 years ago on April 29th my sweetest little best furry friend of 12 years passed... And just a day ago on April 30th a very close and dear friend passed.

The loss of the baby was grief of its very own... unfortunately there was another level of grief to deal with the date baby was due. And somehow... every year for the past now 2 years April 29th has been an extremely difficult day for me. My child and my fur baby both had very large pieces of my very small heart... grief.

Pregnancy hormones are hard enough to deal with on their own. The grieving process is hard enough on its own. Loss is hard enough on its own. All of those at the same time makes for a person who just constantly feels like they're grieving.

It's only for a season... each year the grief will become slightly less and I slightly stronger. But I will always miss the child I never was able to give birth to, the dog that I refused to call a dog, but rather my baby for the 12 years he was by my side every single day, and even the friends and family that we continue to lose. 

As important as it is to grieve, I'm just a little tired of grieving. I am blessed to know that I will meet my child one day, I will see all of my grandparents, friends, and other family members.. and who knows... maybe little Budster was a lucky one that got to go to heaven.

Joy comes in the morning!

Homemade Jalapeno Poppers

Hubs came home about a week ago and said I have a great idea! It's so easy and I'm pretty sure it's going to be delicious!

1 can Grand Biscuits

Jalapenos

1 container Cream Cheese

Roll each biscuit out and depending on the size you slice your peppers you can cut each biscuit approx in to 4ths and wrap each peppers with 1/4 of the biscuit.

Bake at 350 for approx 8-10min or until slightly golden and voila!

For the love of the run... and the friend along side me.

So I have this friend... I have known her for less than 2 years, but somehow we know each other inside and out. We've not only become amazing friends and neighbors, but this girl is my BRF (Bestest Running Friend).

We met up one afternoon for a run... Upon meeting up we looked at each other and realized we were completely matching! ha ha ha We went for an awesome run and felt we had to capture the total awesomeness of our running coordination!

                      Did I mention we had literally just met a couple months prior?
                                                   Ya... We're superstars!

Since I have become pregnant I have been unable to run, (precautionary) and I have missed our late night trudges through the neighborhood spilling our guts to one another and hating every second of the Hills in Hemminger. I have oh so missed the, what felt like, endless road through the country, the hills that just don't quite, and the several hour long convo's that we would find ourselves outside laughing and chuckling at midnight realizing we should probably go to bed!

I have been richly blessed by this beautiful friend and can't wait to be side by side in blessed misery one day soon! Love you Lindsay!

Jesus doesn't expect us to be perfect... Just Real.

So... I have a little "real-ness" to share...

I huge struggle for the past several months for us has been paying our tithes consistently. It used to never be an issue, but somehow when money is tight that is what suffers.

I could give excuse after excuse, but the fact is my priorities simply have not been where they should be.

Some of you may believe in paying your tithes consistently... some may not; Some may not even go to church. However, for us it is very important and something I have been very convicted of.

Justin got paid this Friday so my immediate reaction was to check our account before paying our tithes. His checks have been way lower than normal so I always want to see what I'm working with before pouring our money out everywhere.
I attempted to log on to our account and the page would not load. The bank page would load, but every time I tried to log on, it would never load. I tried accessing it with my husbands information... no such luck. Finally something in me said... pay anyway. Something triggered in my soul that said, no matter how much is in your bank account, there is a portion that is Mine(God's) and why don't you just have a little faith that I will take care of you, and................ pay anyway.

Soooooooooooooooooooo.... I went to our church website and did just that. My heart was filled with more joy than I can describe. Something in the core of being told me we were going to be just fine. I could feel God's spirit in the very tips of my fingers as I typed in the amount, bank account, and clicked submit.

Can I just say... the bank page loaded just fine after that! ;)

And would you be shocked if I said... We're not floating in dough by any means, but we will be just fine to get through the next couple of weeks?!

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Mathew 6:26

Week 11-12... Fears and Excitements.

I am finally just about out of the first trimester!! Woo hoo... what a relief! I will be 12 weeks Saturday.

I had an unplanned ultrasound this week. A silly pregnant woman's concern turned in to the doctor requesting an emergency ultrasound. I called just as a precaution, but with my past pregnancy problems they wanted to be sure we weren't having a repeat. So I went with my nerves on edge, but my faith in high gear. Low and behold... Baby G was perfectly fine! Praise You Jesus. Our sweet baby had a beautiful heart rate of 166... same as 3 weeks prior, and moving all around. We even got a few waves!
The last two days my belly has pooched and hardened! If there was a chance of hiding it before, there is no such luck now! And I'm perfectly fine with that!!

Here are just a few of the beautiful pictures we got to take home...

Healthy is a lifestyle...

I have a couple pretty awesome friends right now that are on a journey of changing their eating and workout habits. The day I got married most people would have never known that I too have struggled with weight my entire life... Even to this very day. 

I was ridiculed and made fun of something awful in elementary school; in middle school it only got worse. I went to a Christian school in hopes to escape the ridicule, but it only worsened. By my freshman year I was just plain sick and tired of being the "fat girl" in school that no guy ever wanted to date... ever!

 I decided the battle was over. I was done being, "The fat kid!" So I slowly began running, changing my eating habits... more salads and less Dr. Pepper! I could knock down 6 Dr. Peppers and 4 ice cream cones in one sitting plus whatever else I had eaten or drank for that day. I realized the only person I had to blame for my health was myself. The only finger that could be pointed... was at me.

My Sophomore year there were real changes taking place and I was finally getting healthier. By this time I had lost about 30lbs. My husband even noticed me right before turning 16!

By my Junior year I was down another 15lbs and just continued to get healthier. I began to realize it wasn't about being fat or skinny... it was about being healthy or completely unhealthy.

By my Senior year I weighed between 115-120lbs and was down a whopping 65lbs!
Yes... in 8th grade I weighed 180lbs.
Not a number I am proud of, but that's exactly why I made the decision to change it!
To some 180 may not seem like a lot, but for a young girl in middle school who wasn't even 5 feet tall yet that was morbidly obese for my height and age.

I have battled my weight since the day I was born, but making the decision to control your food rather than allowing it to control you, is the reason I am not morbidly obese today.

All of this to say... My heart goes out more than you'll ever know to people who struggle with weight. My heart goes out, because I know that struggle. I know that battle every minute of... "What are they saying about me?" Or, "I know I shouldn't eat this, but it's really not going to make that big of a difference... right?" I still struggle... I struggle every single day. I struggle to make the right choices.. and I don't always! I am far from perfect and especially being pregnant... it's that much more of a struggle. But it's a battle worth fighting and I am WORTH IT! And so are YOU!

After this baby is born my goal is to weigh 125lbs on a good day and 130lbs on a, "I just want ice cream and cake," kind of day. I am without doubt that I can do it, and I will. I can't find the pictures of me from 8th grade, but what I will show you is what I accomplished.

Healthy is a life change... not a diet, fad, or the current trend. And it's life changing. I understand what you're going through... I know that fight. It's the same one I fight every single day... You are worth being healthy.